Monday, September 23, 2013

Take a number, please....

I feel like I need one of those ticket machines that deli counters used to have where the customer takes a ticket with a number on it. When they were ready for that customer, they would display a sign saying "now serving number....".

Why am I thinking about outdated technology? I am in desperate need of a system to organize my children's wants and needs. Nothing is more frustrating when I am doing something for one child and all the other ones rush me like the stage at a Stone Temple Pilot's concert. Did I just reveal my age?

Have you ever noticed how everyone is fine, everyone is taken care of, so you turn your attention to something that has probably gone neglected for a while, like the mountain of dirty dishes, and all of the sudden it is mass hysteria? Someone decides to have a dirty diaper and they have stuck their hand into said soiled diaper. Meanwhile, another needs a drink of water, but not from the cup they have been using during their meals, but from a "fun cup" with a "fun straw" that can be only hand washed. If I'm not giving someone the attention they crave the second they demand it, they take a hostage and start harassing them with full nelsons, and yes I am talking about B2.

I'm fairly sure this isn't just the behavior of my kids, my work as a nurse is where I first observed this. As the nurse, I worked hard to make sure all patients' needs were taken care of and everyone was settled in. Then it would happen, someone would call a code, the medical team would run to the aid of that patient. The parents would stick their heads out into the hall to see what the commotion was, and that is when they decide it was time for that sponge bath they had been declining the whole day. I figured it was related to their fear that everyone was so focused on another situation that if something were to happen to their child, they might get neglected. So they start demanding things that aren't priority over the patient who is being bagged, intubated, and sent to the PICU.

I liken this to my children's behavior, they think if my attention is placed elsewhere, the second they need something, I will be in Italy or some place (only in my daydreams will I be in Italy).

I suppose it is human nature, but it drives me crazy! I want to say, "when have you ever gone hungry? Look around, there are goldfish crackers and cheerios on the floor. "

"When has there been a time that you got hurt and not had nurse mommy to take care of it?" I am always armed with bandaids, gauze, sutures, and kisses.

"When have you gotten your foot stuck in a chair and not been freed by me?" My furniture has the damage to prove I have made the sacrifice!

I may only have two arms and I have yet to figure out how to clone myself, but I am still always present and will get to your needs and/or wants in a timely manner.

I have visions of them sitting in their therapists' offices having a break through about how I always picked another brother over them. Then reality hits, life isn't fair, no one ever promised it would be. So then I feel like parent of the year because I am doing a great job preparing them for the future of unfairness!

Oh, and on an unrelated note, happy fall!!